I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
