It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
