Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
