All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
