oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
