They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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