its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
