Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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