We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Damn victory sex feels great
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
