I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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