Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
