Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
