I molested 6 butterflies tonight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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