I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize