i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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