i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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