Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
