why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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