Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
