Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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