What a fucking waste of an outfit
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
