this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
