I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
