idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
