You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize