why didn't you poke me back
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
