fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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