Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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