Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize