Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
