After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My pussy is not your playground.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
