ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
