It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
