There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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