HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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