Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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