i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
