Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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