just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
