Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Randomize
