NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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