Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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