Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
