SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
