I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
