She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
