u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
