I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
