Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
