Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
