Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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