how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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