okay pat passed out under dana's car
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
