Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
