1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm passing your future prison.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
