i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize