just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
