I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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