So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want nice things and good sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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