Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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