Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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