He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
