Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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