the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
