I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize