They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
