Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's never too late to be topless.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
