His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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