I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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