I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
