I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
