She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
