Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
