my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
