Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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