but the lizard people decide everything anyway
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
false alarm, still single
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
