I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
