I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
