So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
