If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
