I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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