I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
